Adolescence is a time of tumultuous physical and mental changes. Trouble in parent-child relationships is not unusual. The key to being able to communicate is to talk. How do you have that conversation with your adolescent daughter?
Why is it so difficult to talk to your adolescent daughter?
Difficulties arise for both the adolescent girl and her parents. However, it is the older parents who need to be more understanding and more aware of the situation.
Physical and psychological changes of puberty in girls
Puberty in girls begins between the ages of 8 and 13. The maturation of eggs and estrogen production lead to more changes. The physicality of the child becomes different, but also its psychological face, which is often done in a sense of conflict with authorities, rebellion, including against parents. Personality and morality are shaped, but mood swings still appear. Such huge transformations cannot be easy for someone who is just getting to know the world. Parents need to understand this, but they can’t always.
Lack of understanding on the part of parents
Inability to listen and observe their children is one of the main mistakes parents make. Meanwhile, it is the mother and father who should help their daughter enter the difficult world of adulthood through puberty. Difficult conversation about puberty, menstruation and mental changes is very important
Overly apodictic reactions
A difficult conversation with your daughter must be accompanied by understanding of her behavior. There are no ready recipes for success, but a pubescent teenager is incapable of understanding herself. She comes into conflict with the rules set by her parents. She rarely enforces them by punishing and standing firmly on her own. Being overbearing and inflexible with a child can be a mistake made by parents.
What not to say to your adolescent daughter?
Although an adolescent daughter’s behavior may irritate, parents should remain calm. Absolutely do not tell her that:
Thinking only about herself
Focusing on yourself and your own feelings is something characteristic of a teenage girl. This is not surprising, but neither is it expected to be otherwise.
She does not know what she wants
Also, indecisiveness and ever-changing moods are not something that a teenage daughter should be blamed for. After all, it’s the fault of the hormones bubbling inside her. These types of texts do not add anything positive, and can cause additional feelings of incomprehension in the child and worsen the relationship with her parents
Her behavior is stupid
Flashy clothes, heavy makeup, and a taste for doing weird things can also be annoying, but they don’t have to be a reason to start an argument. Just remember your own outfits from when you were a teenager.
She will be punished
It’s better to talk than to threaten. Especially as the years go by, being able to take away the phone or cut off pocket money is less and less of a way to influence your growing daughter’s behavior
She chose her friends poorly
Teenagers identify very strongly with their company. Often more so than with their families. Unambiguous criticism of her friends will certainly not be understood and is not a good conversation starter
How do you prepare for a conversation with your adolescent daughter?
What can you do to realistically increase your chances of having a smart conversation with your daughter about puberty? Here are some important rules:
It pays to be prepared
There are many articles, websites, and serious psychology publications that are designed to make the conversation with your adolescent daughter easier. Especially the mother should be prepared for numerous and specific questions during such a meeting, for example about the menstrual cycle. So it is worth refreshing oneself also with purely biological aspects of puberty.
The place and circumstances have to be chosen
It is important to allow sufficient time for a difficult conversation with your daughter: there are few worse situations than having to interrupt a serious conversation because of work or home commitments. It should also take place in circumstances that respect your child’s intimacy, so that she can open up and ask questions freely
A mother should use plenty of examples from her own life when discussing puberty with her daughter. It will be easier for the child to work through difficulties if she learns about similar problems her mother had with her first menstruation, relationships with boys, and conversations with her own parents
Respond flexibly to your daughter’s behaviour
It may not always turn out that the right time to talk has come for your child. So you need to look carefully at your daughter’s reactions and under no circumstances push. The right time will surely come.
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